Conditional Love

Conditional love is a psychological term that describes a form of dysfunctional parenting. I received conditional love growing up. In my memoir, Following the Whispers I tell how I grew up feeling love was conditional, dependent on how I behaved or what I said or didn’t say. Conditional love shifted like quicksand, so I never knew what I needed to do or say to achieve the love and acceptance I craved and every child so desperately requires.

Childhood should be a sanctuary—a refuge before the onslaught of life—a cocoon in which one feels unconditionally loved not conditionally loved. Conditional love prepares us for hardship. Conditional love provides a foundation upon which we can grow; a strength in the knowledge that whatever challenges we might face, the foundation will hold us up.

My childhood was no such thing because it was one of conditional love. Nor was my home a place where I felt safe, secure, or loved. My parents, along with other parents in the 1950s, practiced conditional love. We know now from studies on childhood development, that children require some degree of nurturing to grow up with enough self-esteem and confidence to thrive in this world. Conditional love does not provide that. Instead, conditional love taught me to be afraid. Conditional love causes feelings of mistrust and a belief that one is alone in this world.

Following the Whispers describes the conditional love I received and how I sought love in all the wrong ways. Conditional love ruled my choices and my behavior, until 1978, when a tragic loss catapulted me towards healing, and my world of conditional love shifted to one of peace and acceptance.

Want to know more about conditional love? Get your copy of Following the Whispers today!